Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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