I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize