Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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