If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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