so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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