What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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