Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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