I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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