why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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