Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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