Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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