Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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