I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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