Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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