me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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