Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize