he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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