Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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