I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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