If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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