Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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