I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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