I need help removing her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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