If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize