there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need water and some morals
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize