A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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