If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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