in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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