I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize