That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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