Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize