We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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