That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize