she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize