Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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