She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
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I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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