I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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