ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize