Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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