I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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