I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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