Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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