that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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