Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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