Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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