why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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