Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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