Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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