I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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