i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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